Sinking

There are things that I can't and won't ever want to say. Words that would make things fall apart if it was heard... or has it already became pieces?

I closed my eyes. It's there. I opened my eyes. It's still there. Has it always been there and I just didn't see it coming?

Denial. Is your name Denial?

I push them away and tucked them in the deepest corner of my mind. Keep busy, keep working, be distracted, I remind myself times and times over.

Busy.. distracted.. busy.. distracted.. a short moment of silence later.. it springs right back.

My thoughts throughout the days spin around like this. Concerned, depressed, uncomfortable, indifferent, nervous, resigned, scared, crushed, relieved, apathetic, pretentious, exasperated, uneasy. In no particular order.

It's like my emotions are running high on this overworked treadmill. Make it stop. Make it stop already!

I have to remind myself that the only thing that will remain unchanged, is change itself. Regardless of it being good or bad, nothing is meant to last forever... though it might last a long long time.

I want to remain emotionless, I don't want to lose that bit of control, because I am quite sure the floor will open up and swallow me into the realm of the irretrievable if I just let myself go.

Something so beautiful, can also be so morbid. Depends on how you look at it. So what do you choose to see?

Didn't they always say focus only on  the good?

Focus on the good... Focus on the good... Focus on the good...



I am freed now. So why am I still sinking?