My Mom

Mother's Day is long overdue. I didn't get to celebrate with my mom this year, coz my kids were down with Hand, Foot, Mouth Disease. A few days before Mother's Day, I called my mom on the phone and broke the bad news to her, I apologize to her as I couldn't bring her out for dinner and neither would I want her to come over to my place because my kids were infectious. She comforted me, "No worries, we can always have dinner, any day, as long as the kids are healthy. Go, take good care of them. Mommy will be fine."

My mom was diagnosed with terminal cancer in 2008, she fought a good battle through chemotherapy, radiation therapy and mastectomy. While she still has cancer, she is trying everything she could to stay health, and fighting to stay alive for her children as well as her grandchildren. Her immunity is weaken by the chemo drugs she is taking, hence I didn't want her to have any chance of catching the dreadful HFMD. The best precautionary measure seemed to be keeping her away from my kids. But we all miss her terribly.

The last time, I saw her was close to a month ago, I was busy preparing for a business trip, then I was away and when I came back, the kids were unwell. So she insisted to come over to my place earlier and cook dinner for my kids. We absolutely LOVE my mom's cooking. But my Laetitia had not been clear of HFMD yet, so I was worried. I called my mom this afternoon and told her not come, but she assured me that she isn't afraid. She wanted to come and keep my daughter company since she was barred from school for more than a week now, and my mom reckon my daughter would be thrilled to have her around.

While still on the phone, I confided in my mom about some recent unhappiness I was having with my daughter's impermissible behavior and her unwillingness to comply. My mom listened patiently to my ranting. When I finally ended. She said this to me gently, "Girl, just let it go. Look at Mommy, I used to be worried and get upset easily, then I got cancer and now I realized that a lot of things are not as important as it seemed. Let it go, don't be like me... Anyway, I am going over to your place now. See you later." And she hung up.

I held on to the phone as a tear rolled down my cheek. Yes. My mom is right, I have to learn to let go.

Just now, after dinner, she showed me her hands and feet, they were extremely dry, peeling, darken and her nails are falling off! This is one of the many side effects of the chemo drug that she has to withstand. I gave her some Physiogel cream to bring home, but it sadden me to know that I can't relieve her of any of the sufferings. This feeling of helplessness is unbearable.

Many of the friends she made, when she was receiving treatments in KK hospital, had passed on or are in really bad shape now. I don't know how long more I will have my mom around. The morbid thought terrifies me.

Earlier, I saw a post on FB, it says "I wanna donate my life.". I didn't have a close friendship with this person, but strangely, I left a comment, almost out of sheer desperation.

"Yes, give it to my mom, she needs it. She wants to see her grandchildren grow up. Thank you."

Even though, I knew it can NEVER be possible, still, I ask for it - An almost zero % chance that my mom can have the life that someone takes lightly and make good of it, I want it.

Review of Physiogel

My first encounter with the brand Physiogel when I was pregnant with my first child (about 6 years ago). The skin on my ever-growing belly was so stretched and dry, I was told I must apply some lotion in order to prevent stretch marks. So I tried many brands, including expensive ones like Clarins Stretch Marks Control and cheaper ones like Palmers Cocoa Butter, but they left me itching like a monkey with fleas. My gynaecologist suspected that I might have sensitive skin, so she prescribed Physiogel Lotion for me, and it worked like wonders!

So I used Physiogel Lotion during my second pregnancy too because I knew it will work perfect for me, just like the first. Although I still get some stretch marks and loose skin, but at the very least, my skin was well hydrated, it didn't itch and I was absolutely confident that Physiogel is safe to use during pregnancy.

After the births of my children, I stopped buying Physiogel as I thought I didn't need it any longer, until my daughter started showing signs of dry skin and eczema on her limbs when she was four. I tried applying many creams and lotions on her, but didn't see much improvement, so again I turned to Physiogel, and I bought her the Physiogel Cream.

So when Physiogel approached me to do a review for three of their products, Physiogel Cream, Lotion and Cleanser, I was more than willing, since I am already so familiar with the Cream and Lotion. But I knew little about the Cleanser.

Physiogel Cleanser turns out to be a hypoallergenic, soap-free (doesn't lather) cleanser that cleanses, soothes and softens, without drying the skin, unlike shower gel or soap. Its non-greasy formula (like a lotion) maintains skin pH balance and is suitable for all skin types, even babies can use it. It can be rinsed off or just tissue off with wipe or cotton wool for delicate skin (like those of the babies).

No bubbles, no lather? Is it clean? That was the question I had as well. So I try it on my own before I use it on my kids. I use a black ink pen and made a scribble on my skin. Then I put some Physiogel Cleanser on my skin, and I massage it in circular motion until the ink disappear then I rinsed it all off. It was clean and clear!

So I have started using Physiogel Cleanser on my kids for about a month now, and Physiogel Cream faithfully on my daughter's dry limbs. Here are the results:

Before and After

The skin on the creases of the back of her knees has improved. The dry, thicken patches of skin on her feet has appeared less red and she has been having lesser complains about the itch on her legs.

Physiogel is so kind to throw in 3 bottles of 300 ml Physiogel Cleansers for 3 lucky readers residing in Singapore. To get a chance to be one of the three lucky winners, you just need to:
1) Share this post on your Facebook page.
2) Take a screen-shot of your sharing on Facebook
3) Lastly, email me that screen-shot, your name and mailing address to myokiki@yahoo.com.sg

This give-away will end a week from today, on 22nd May 2013, at 12am. Late submissions will not be considered. Winners will be randomly selected and will be contacted by email on the delivery details. I reserved the right to choose the winners, my decision will be final, dispute will not be entertained. Only for readers with valid Singapore addresses only.






Disclaimer: This is a sponsored review for the products of Physiogel. The above comments are my experiences when reviewing the complimentary products I received.

How Do You Live?

Wake up in the morning, get sandwiched in a crowded train, start work, deal with some amazingly stupid people/ situations, ponder over what to eat for lunch, leave work, stuck in the rush hour traffic, reach home, eat whatever that is on the dinning table, if you have kids, you try to bond with them but really, you just want to plant your fat ass in front of the telly, taking in whatever crap that is shown on it because your mind is so drained that it probably couldn't take in anything intellectual anyway, the last thing you feel like doing is shower and then curled up in bed. Next day, you repeat these acts again, while at the same time, you are praying for weekends/ your day off to descend quickly.

Finally, weekend/ day off is here, before you can milk it or at least make it seems anywhere close to being productive, it's gone! And the scariest part is - it didn't end here, you have this going on for months, years or decades.

I believe many people can relate to the above. Don't get me wrong, I like stability, and routine suits me quite fine, but having life repeating itself, put me in some auto-pilot mode, before I know it, I'd stopped feeling and when I feel, it was only frustration.

I thought my recent trip to Japan gave me a good break from my monotonous cycle. I was hoping for it to spark off some insight to my repetitious life, it had, but it wasn't enough for me to figure out my own bafflement. Then came this video. (If you are reading this Robyn, thank you.)

Before you sign this video off as sort of bullshit and believing "this must be some happy dude who didn't understand how crappy my life is", you better know that David Foster Wallace was tormented by years of depression before he finally end it all by taking his own life. It's an irony, I know, but if a sick man can, try as he might, to control his mind, the healthy ones have absolutely no excuses.

With the media splashing our senses with crimes and corruptions in Malaysia; brought to new heights by the recent election, I couldn't help but ask a Malaysian, why would any decent Malaysian citizens want to continue to live in such a decadent land. She explained that beyond all the madness we read about her country (which to certain extend is true), "Malaysia is still a nice place to live in" - her own words. And I thought I saw twinkles in her eyes when she spoke about her country.

It becomes clear to me - Every cities, every towns, every country, just about any parts of the world, there will NEVER be a perfect place. But we have the ability to exercise the control over what we want to think, and how we want to feel. We only see what we want to see, it's just that simple or is it?

I know, it can never be easy, coz most if us just want to see things negatively most of the time, maybe is the default way we view life. We just have to remind ourselves that our paradigm can be shifted with the right choice of thoughts and we are the master of our own thoughts.

So it's about time to turn off the auto-pilot mode, 'wake up' and take charge, regardless of where or how we live.

Japan Solo - Shinjuku, Tokyo

For the third and final instalment of my Japan Solo blog post, I will be wrapping it up with a little bit of Shinjuku, Tokyo and some of my deranged rants. (You can find the first two entries of my trip here and here.)

I am 37, it should be too early for mid-life crisis, I should believe. I have a job which I enjoy, a family to love and to be proud of, I live in one of the most desirable city in Asia, but it hadn't stop me from wondering if I would be better off somewhere else. Some places where I don't have to raise kids in a competitive rat-racing society, where living is about enjoying the moment, at a pace where we can all stop and smell the roses. Where I can sit and watch the sun goes down without feeling the guilt that I had wasted a day being unproductive. Most bizarrely, I wondered if I would be better off living a totally different life from the one I am having right now.

And with all these questions boggling in my head, I travelled to Shinjuku, Tokyo. Staring at the intimidating Japan subway network, I thought the best solution was to consult the information counter. Perhaps, the lady working at the information counter wanted to play a prank at me misunderstood my intention and gave me the wrong direction.

After more than an hour on the train (Shinjuku is supposed to be only 30 minutes away from Yokohama), Shinjuku was no where to be seen and realizing the scenery of my journey had taken on a more rural landscape, I quickly disembarked. After checking with another station's information counter, I was sure I had been misled.

I went to the correct platform and board the correct train. I had been lost for more than an hour. Now I know why there are plentiful of drinks and food vending machines on the platform, because there will be people like me who was lost, thirsty and hungry!

Finally, I reached Shinjuku Station, the busiest and the most complicated station recognised by the Guinness World Book of Records.

Once out of the station, I was greeted by the kaleidoscopic floods of people, cars, building, signboards, etc. I visited some shops and Isetan departmental store for some work-related window shopping and the psychedelic amount of consumables were a little too much for me. I couldn't believe I would say this, but just after three hours in Shinjuku, I felt I had enough. I was overdosed. I desperately wanted to get out, to a place with less congestion.

It was my last day in Japan. I had prefer the quiet, peaceful town of Narita to the florid city of Shinjuku, for it reminded me too much of my own country. As I reclined into my spacious seat in Business Class, flying back, I thought to myself, "Maybe there really is a place out there, somewhere, that would be perfect for me, but it can never be perfect if I am not surrounded by the love of my family."

And speaking about perfect, it was perfect time to return. I was missing home; missing the smell of my kids and the warm body of my husband. Although, I hadn't figure out much of my life, it had been a worthwhile trip - a solo trip that I would never forget.

Japan Solo - Yokohama

Having spent 4 nights in Narita, it was time for me to pack up those treasured memories and my luggage, and bid Narita goodbye. Thank you for having me, you beautiful little town.

My work was completed. I stored away my make-up, I won't be needing them for the rest of the trip. I will be going au naturel!

I travelled about 100 km from Narita, taking bus and then train, until I finally reached my destination - Yokohama. Along the way, I struggled with my 30 kg luggage through the busy Tokyo Station and even had to climb some stairs with my luggage without help, to reach the platform because I couldn't find the elevator. I never know how strong I am, until I was challenged. Oh gosh! I was pretty mighty, I probably could lift a car!

Yokohama is more beautiful than I'd expected. I actually like it here much better than Tokyo. I took a train down to Minato Mirai 21, the waterfront central of Yokohama.

The gigantic Ferris wheel of Cosmo World, anchored as the prominent landmark in this urban city. It is gorgeous when it lights up at night. I thought it would be so romantic to kiss someone you love in a setting like this. Unfortunately, I was all alone. Too bad!

This place is a great location along the water, even if you aren't so much of a shopping maniac, this place is perfect for a long stroll, admiring the 'habor of the future' (that's what Minato Mirai means).

Oh yes, and there is the quirky Cup Noodles Museum for instant noodles fanatics, located somewhere near the Ferris wheel. Not my cup of noodles tea, but nice to visit if you have children or just simply love Nissin.

The sight and sound of the surrounding must have me hypnotized; I walked on and on for hours without feeling tired. I found myself actually enjoying the city by foot so much that I might as well just find my way and walk back to my hotel instead of taking the train. And I did! I impressed myself for finding my way in a foreign land without any GPS! 

I have come to believe that some times, you needed to get yourself lost, to discover who you truly are. 

Before left for Japan, I had so much angst in me. On the surface, I am a dutiful mother and spouse, but I hated to admit that caring for young children and facing the mandate task on daily basis can leave one feeling repressed and under appreciated. Perhaps, I am just not built to withstand the whining and cries and tantrums and having them pushing my buttons and driving me up the walls.

I desperately needed time away, time for myself. Time for some absence, just for a little while. And then, this trip came along.

Last part of Japan Solo coming up...

In case you missed the earlier part on my trip to Narita, here it is.

Japan Solo - Narita

There was a time (when I was not married and had no children), I was travelling for business to cities like Manila and Mumbai on my own. Those days, I had nothing to worry about, nobody to miss, but also not much to come back home to, you could say.

Six years have lapsed since I last travelled on my own for business, I received an assignment to go to Narita, Japan. I was really excited, but also a little apprehensive at the same time. I wasn't that same carefree person any more, I have a family and two young children now, would I still be able to enjoy a trip away from home like I used to?

I had to convince myself that it was time to take a long deserving break from my multiple roles. I am not only a mother, I am the teacher, the disciplinarian, the nurse, the hairdresser, the counsellor, the storyteller, the planner, the dictionary, some times the maid, some times the driver; everything rolled into one. Yes, I was liken a California sushi roll! A really huge California sushi roll, if you could imagine.

So off I flew to Narita, Japan and immediately found serenity in Naritasan upon arriving. I am not a religious person and wasn't expecting an epiphany in this age-old temple, but the tranquil of the surrounding calmed and relaxed me. My mind was as clear as the koi pond in the temple when I thought I should be zombie-fied, having slept only very little on-board.

It's spring and the blooming flowers and the beauty of nature captivated me. It was just so breathtaking. I totally immersed myself into this paradise and walked continuously for the next two hours!

I was a little too late for sakura, the most pretty season for cherry blossoms had past. However, I was fortunate to catch a glimpse of the beautiful flowers on Naritasan. It was quite enchanting to see carpets of pink flowers under the trees of the cherry blossoms.

Narita is famous for their Unagi (eel). I had my lunch along a quaint little street near the temple. The Unagi-don was indeed out of this world. It was the best I ever had. And the sashimi was... OMG! I could eat this everyday, until I die! So fresh that the fish actually tasted kind of sweet!

Narita is a peaceful little town. Most people probably know Narita only for its airport. It wasn't exactly a place you would come to for shopping, but this will now be changed, with the opening of the new Shisui Premium Outlet, which is 20 minutes from Narita airport by bus. There is a bus service from Narita airport to Shisui Premium Outlet, but it cost 500 yen for a single trip.

Although I couldn't read and speak any Japanese, I found my way to Shisui Premium Outlet, taking the route less travelled; I took the local train to Shisui Station and hopped on a free shuttle bus, saving myself the 500 yen! Some times, I am amazed by my own exploration spirit and my ability to navigate the complex Japan Rail network.

The days I spent in Narita were unforgettable, I met some very nice people whose hospitality warmed my heart. And I was beginning to find myself again. I am not just somebody's wife, somebody's mother, I am more than that. I put away the stress of being a parent and a spouse; I granted myself time to calibrate my life and rejuvenate my soul. It was a good chance to build strength and energy, to return home, hopefully as a better person.

More on Japan Solo to come...